Throughout life, particularly as we get older, have kids, jobs, partners, we start to get perpetually busy in the business of being busy.
All of this hectic and frenetic movement we do day after day, week after week, month after month, and year after year, eventually it hits us and we begin to feel as though we have lost some of our substance.
We have lost our spark - that essence of us that used to be laughing all the time, used to have fun, used to dance, sing, do crazy and fun things spontaneously - and we feel like we are beginning to fade away.
Some of this is because we are so busy being busy, for the sake of being busy, that we don’t allow ourselves to be who we actually are!
We run around after kids, after partners, friends, relatives, bosses, colleagues, even strangers.
We spend our lives trying to please others. Trying to be popular, to be liked and to feel those connections.
But all of that energy should be flowing both ways, and when it doesn’t, we begin to fade.
The light inside of us slowly burns down. It flickers, it becomes less stable, less bright, dimmer and, eventually becomes barely noticeable at all.
This flame inside us all builds in our early life because of the connections we make with the flames of others.
We say yes to everything, their light adds to ours, as we connect and share our experience of life.
Friends, family, relationships, pets and children all help us to build our flame to become brighter and brighter, as it burns inside us with passion, with joy, energy and happiness. We care for others, we spend huge amounts of our energy on helping others and keeping them all happy.
But as we get older, all of that energy begins to get burned away.
We use up the source that fuels the fires and if we aren’t continuously replenishing it with the things that we love, then it will eventually burn off all of the fuel and the flame will go out.
Often it’s only at the point of our flame being almost extinguished, that we suddenly notice our own dimming.
But it doesn’t have to be this way!
We can do things to replenish the fuel, to ensure our flame burns as bright, and for as long as possible.
These are things we do for us.
We are often conned into believing that it is selfish to do anything for ourselves. That we should always do things to help others.
But often this “good for all” isn’t good for us - it begins the process of our dimming.
We can’t pour from an empty cup, just as we can’t light a candle from a burned out match!
We have to top up our own light. Maintain ourselves first. Just as the air hostess says during the inflight safety routine;
“In the event of a drop in cabin pressure, please put on your OWN mask first, before helping others to put on theirs.”
If we have nothing left in the tank, we are physically incapable of helping or caring for anyone else!
The greatest act of love and kindness we can do, is for ourselves.
Then we are able to help and love others.
All of this starts by slowing down and saying no to things that don’t bring you joy, and yes to the things that do!
So reignite your flame! Do things that fill you with joy, things that contribute to your happiness, things that are fun, that fulfill you.
Get out in nature.
Call that friend who keeps asking you out for a drink but you’re always too busy.
Play your music loud, and dance, and sing.
Eat the foods you like.
Book that holiday you said you couldn’t afford (you’ll always find the money).
Book that driving lesson.
Learn to play the guitar.
Climb that mountain you’ve always wanted to.
Visit that place that’s been on your list for decades.
Get up early and watch the sunrise as you have breakfast on the beach.
Put your bare feet on the grass and feel it’s cool energy wash over you,.
Write that book you’ve wanted to for years.
Paint, draw, learn a new skill.
Whatever it is you love to do, do it, and as often as possible!
But most importantly: sometimes just say NO!
You don’t have to say yes to everything.
If something doesn’t fill you with joy, say no!
If you don’t want to help your friend clear out her garage, just say no.
If you don’t really feel like going to visit your mother in law, say no.
Instead do the things that help fan the flame inside of you.
We only have a single flame - if we allow it to go out, we will quickly be consumed by the darkness.
Sometimes you need to just slow your pace, stop and breathe and do what makes you feel good.
This isn’t selfish. This is self care and self love and appreciation.
Keep your flame burning and you’ll see how your internal fire not only burns brighter than ever, but how it also helps to ignite the flame of others too.
Burn fierce and bright my friends.
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